


Charlie and The Waitress Do It

by kingofpentacles



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Banter, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Missing Scene, Oral Sex, but he refers to her as the waitress as well, the waitress has a name in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:00:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29283381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingofpentacles/pseuds/kingofpentacles
Summary: the fact that charlie and the waitress canonically had enjoyable sex mystifies me. i simply need to see it. what can i say? i'm an artist.i.e., i wrote the missing scene from 12x10, dennis' double life, where charlie and the waitress do it
Relationships: Charlie Kelly/The Waitress (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
Kudos: 4





	Charlie and The Waitress Do It

**Author's Note:**

> i sorta just had fun with this, and tried to keep it in the style of the show: that is, they are weird, gross people. fun sex tho :D

"Well, because there is no one better.. And.. I love you." 

The Waitress stared at Charlie, eyes slightly shiny. There was a long silence.

"Why?"

Charlie seemed a bit taken aback. "Why do I love you?" 

"Yeah, Charlie. Why?" Her voice was quiet, but slightly harsh.

"Because.." Charlie seemed a little stumped, and then he lit up. "Hey, I have another collage!" 

"..because you have a collage." 

"No, I mean-" he darted to the closet and began to rifle through trash.

"I threw it away because I was a little heartbroken one time, but I think I can find it.. Here!" He came out of the closet with a smudge of dirt on his nose, a triumphant smile on his lips, and a piece of paper in his hands. 

"I'll just get this bad boy," he grabbed the pointer stick and began to present-

"No," she protested loudly. "Just show me. I can't handle another presentation. Please." 

He hesitated, but walked over to her and let her see his creation. 

Close up, it wasn't a piece of paper but a small, thin, and cheap looking canvas. It was clearly years old. Almost every inch was covered in pictures of the Waitress's face, heart and smiley face stickers, and bizarrely, in the upper right corner, a "#1" ribbon that had clearly been dug out of the trash. 

"Wha- I- What does that even mean, Charlie." 

"You don't get that?"

"No, not even a little." 

"Oh. ..So, do you want to have a baby with me?"

"..yeah." 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


They were kissing furiously, bodies tangled as they stumbled backward together and eventually collapsed onto the bed. Mary wrapped her legs around Charlie's waist, pulling them together; Charlie's hands roamed eagerly over her body as they messily kissed.

Mary wriggled out of her shirt and tossed it somewhere on the ground. 

"Wow," Charlie said. 

"I'm sorry, I'm kind of like, gross right now.." she trailed off and gave a self deprecating laugh. 

"No way!" Charlie was eager to assure her. "I like it! I like this," he gestured to her breasts.

"..thanks, Charlie," she said softly. Usually when she said that (sarcastically) it meant she was mad at him. But now, it sounded genuine, and more precious than a pearl in a sewer oyster. He smiled at her, hoping his teeth gleamed white (he’d brushed them, for the special occasion). 

"Can I..?" He reached for her. 

"Be gentle," she huffed, but nodded her assent. 

He unclipped her bra (Dennis had taught him how to do it in high school) and leaned in for a kiss. She allowed that too.

As they kissed, Charlie's hand excitedly flew to her chest and groped at her chest. 

She broke away from the kiss, sighing, " _Charlie_.." 

"What? What did I do?" 

"Didn't I say to be gentle? Don't make me regret this."

"Okay, jeez. Sorry." 

  
  


He touched her again, cupping her breast more gently, massaging a little. She sighed again, but this time it was softer, more musical. Prettier than any music he could make with his keyboard. He wanted to hear it again. 

  
  


He leaned back and pulled her panties to the side, ran his thumb over her curiously. At that, she made another noise, an even better one. She was pretty interesting down here. She had lots of curly dark hair, just like him. He kept doing the same thing, since she seemed to like it, slowly running the pad of his thumb over her slit until she felt even nicer, warm and wet. Mary guided his fingers to the little nub at the top and made him rub it. Her hips jolted at the feeling. 

"Wow," Charlie whispered. 

"Yeah?" The Waitress whispered back, smiling, and he nodded a little dazedly, using his thumb to massage her clit in circles. 

"Oh.." His name was cradled in her mouth, sounding sweeter than maraschino cherries.

Charlie bent down and kissed the soft little nub. He kissed her again, and licked a little, then more as he heard all the soft noises she could make. Mary was moaning under her breath. 

He took his time exploring her with his mouth and his hands. He was slow at first, but found his way and ended up face down deep in her pussy, mouthing and licking steadily, his jaw working.

Her thighs were tensed under his hands as he lapped at her. Charlie felt oddly focused, hard as hell but all his attention on her as he breathed unsteadily through his nose. (He was trying not to get too excited and bite down. It was working so far; although he had nibbled her thigh at one point. She hadn’t seemed to mind.). The Waitress's fists were curling up in the sheets, wrinkling the thin fabric, but Charlie couldn't care less. Lick, lick, lick. Her hips jolted, and he licked harder, and she jolted again.

  
  


Then she moaned one more time, long and hard, before letting her legs fall open and lying back. She tasted a little different now, wetter, and he tried to nose in there again, but she winced and pushed him away. 

He came up to her face instead, and held her as they made out. Eventually, she pulled back, breathing hard. 

"When was the last time you took a shower?" she asked. 

He had to think about it. "Three.. No, two.." 

"Good enough." She undid the button on his jeans. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope somebody enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!


End file.
